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Jonas
There is a conspiracy within this sentence.

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Dan's Discount Saikyo Dojo

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My review of Prince of Persia

Posted by Jonas - June 8th, 2010


Spoilers ahead.

Plot-
White people poorly fight with special effects and bicker constantly. (You can stop reading now).

Review-
If the main characters have to stop and explain what just happened, you've failed artistically as a director.

If the main characters have to stop to comment insipidly on every banal bit of flavour you've tried to add to the world, you've failed as a writer, or possible set director.

If the main character's fight sequences are over so fast, you wish you could rewind time to understand whether or not you enjoyed what you just saw, you've failed as an editor.

If the main character has a slow motion pan of him pulling two swords out with a blurred out background, and no correlation as to why this shot is happening, you've failed at directing.

If the main villain decides to leave an all powerful artifact in the middle of a room guarded by a single assassin when he has several at his command, including guards, and the artifact itself has a WIN BUTTON on it, and somehow can't be used to defeat enemies coming to take it, at least go defend it yourself.

If your special effects make me wonder whether or not they at times were worse than X-Men Wolverine's Revenge, you've failed as an artistic director.

If your film somehow is seen as a lighthearted romp of a romantic comedy with light action and big hunky stars, you've failed as a marketing director.

OVERALL- This movie gets 4 White People out of 0 Persians.

HEARTTHROBBOMETER IS AT MAX

My review of Prince of Persia


Comments

the first game was better...

nuff' Said

my name is jonas

I love white people

It was still better than Clash of the Titans

why does Hollywood insist on sucking more and more?

This is a weird quastain, but... WHERE THE HELL ARE HIS NIPPLES IN THAT PICTURE.

I've seen it too. It's bad... really bad. Fight scenes too imposible to figure out most of the time. Time rewinding special effect is good (sadly used only thrice). Ending is onec again "Happy end" bullshit. I wish it would've end like the first game. Good guy wins and all, but the price for it is that he doesn't get the girl. Comedy elements are completely out of place I think and plus the stuff that you mentioned :)

man I knew that was going to suck in the first place! News Flash the majority of video game based movies sucks some major ASSSSSSSSSSSS!!

Never played the games, so wasn't really interested in the first place. Now I'm not going to go see it ever harder and with more spite than I wasn't going to go see it 5 minutes ago.

Weren't there Arians in Persia?
I recall Zarathustra referring to his people as Arians in the Avesta from time to time

Can't really think of a direct quote, except for "wicked signs and un-Arian plagues of the fields"
"Wicked signs" standing for menstruation and "un-Arian plagues" standing for plagues from other nations

But I could be wrong, afcourse

Just saying this.. because of your references to white people..
I assume you meant that as criticism of how movies never use actors that fit the nationality of the historical character

like blonde romans

tl;dr: hi

also, im not going to watch it because the orange movie filter makes everyone look like a carrot

when your movie ends with the rest of the movie being a dream sequence or similar event making what you just saw meaningless except for some moral nobody really cares about, you have failed at movies period.

HAAAH, i totally called the point about the WIN BUTTON guarded by a single assassin! We should go to more movies at the meets :P

I was told there would be nudity.

I was disappointed.